Posted on: 30th March 2020 Posted by: Queenasia Comments: 0

Description: This post explains how you can be happy without a boyfriend, friends, or family. Learning how to be alone can be hard. Especially if you’re trying to understand how to be alone when recently single. When you’re feeling down, come back to this. This read is dedicated to those of your feeling lonely.

In today’s discussion, we dive into:

Coping with loneliness

If you would like to jump straight into these coping tips, click here

The short, fictional passage below is meant to represent a scenario in which a person is in a state of severe loneliness and why.


Daryl fidgets with his hands as he looks to the floor.  He’s been silent for a few minutes now.

“You seem a bit worked up today,” his therapist observes, sitting across from him. 

“Yeah” Daryl sighs.

“You want to tell me what happened?”

“Well,” Daryl now takes his gaze toward the window.  “ I told my family, yesterday, about my dream to be an artist.  How I was miserable at school, just sorta explained to them the hard time I was having. A little what we talked about here.”

“That’s great, it seems like you’re communicating more with them, which is something we discussed. How did they respond?” his therapist questions.

Daryl chuckles, “ not great. My dad told me no one is ecstatic to go to work everyday and I need to get over it.  And my mom and sister think that I’ve always been indecisive.  That this kind of behavior is typical of me, which it isn’t.  In short really, they just rolled their eyes at me as I was pouring my heart out to them”

“I see, and how did this all make you feel?”

Daryl’s gaze goes back to the floor, “extremely lonely,” he responds.

Daryl isn’t the first person to feel this way.   As we are all humans, we are bound to have moments in our life when we feel just like him.

What we hope to discuss today is how to manage these feelings of loneliness, and to not let it bring us entirely down!

What can cause loneliness?

  1. Being misunderstood
  2. Not being valued
  3. Having no one in your life
  4. Busy lifestyle
  5. Social Media

Things to remember when feeling Deeply Alone

For some strange reason, loneliness is treated as a dirty word, at least in the American culture I was raised in.  When someone didn’t have any friends, people thought of them as a loser.  I hate to say that word, but it’s the truth.  I even had someone whom I was trying to befriend, steer away from me because I had an extremely low number of Facebook friends, and they considered me weird, based on that.  Strange right?  But this happens more often than not.

Someone who is willing to admit that they are lonely is only admitting that they are human. Because, let’s face it, at one time or another every one of us as experiences loneliness.  Here are some things to keep in mind when feeling alone.

1. It will not last forever.  One day you’ll fill that void you may be feeling right now.

2. Being alone can be a blessing in disguise. Maybe you need to take this time to find yourself and discover your purpose.

3.  Finding people to let into your life is easy.  The fact that you’re alone can mean that you take into consideration who you allow in your life.  This is a practice of self-care.

My experience

I’ve grown closer to God during my time alone.  More so since I’ve been divorced.  I have sought solace in Him and it has helped me to know that no matter how misunderstood I may feel,  knowing that He knows the thoughts within me has given me comfort.

I’ve also done a lot of journaling.  It’s how I started my career in blogging, soon after my divorce. I buckled down and was able to decide what I wanted my next goal in life to be. What I could work on that would benefit me.  And that was, without a doubt, my writing career. Related: TURN YOUR DREAMS INTO REALITY (realistically)

Practicing self-care is another great habit I’ve been able to practice in my alone time.  Developing morning routines, skincare routines, and all the works have been such a pleasure. And yes, this sometimes just means straight-up watching Netflix all Sunday.  I’ve learned to be easy with myself, and give myself a break when I feel like I need one. Related: 21 WAYS TO PAMPER YOURSELF Related: GET CLEAR SKIN! 

What Psychologist Say about being lonely

Embrace who you are,” says Jim Seibold a Licensed marriage and family therapist“Introverts often see their social style as negative. When they compare themselves to extroverts, they feel insecure and unworthy. Introverts don’t have to have a large group of friends who want to go out all the time. Be true to yourself. You can have a smaller group of friends, enjoy your alone time, and still be far from lonely.” 

Understand your loneliness,” states Juli Fraga a Clinical psychologist. “First, identify why you’re lonely. People are often told to cope with loneliness by engaging in a social activity, but this isn’t always wise advice. In order to truly cope with loneliness, one must understand why they’re feeling lonely. If you’re lonely because your relationships lack depth/meaning, or you feel like people, including friends, don’t really know you, it might make sense to examine what’s getting in the way of building intimacy.”

She went on to say “spending time with a pet can help combat feelings of loneliness by giving us an oxytocin boost. If you don’t have a furry companion, see if your city has a ‘cat café.’ These cafés allow people to come and play with cats for an afternoon, which also allows you to get to know a new group of people who share a common interest. Volunteering at a local pet shelter may also be helpful.”

Practice small talk with cashiers and the other people you encounter throughout your day,”  says Darin Bergen, another Clinical psychologist. “When you go into your favorite coffee shop, make a simple comment about the weather or the music that’s playing. Don’t think of this as a time to start a long conversation, more as a way of making those brief, seemingly impersonal interactions a bit more friendly and inviting. It can decrease the feeling of loneliness as you’re building your social network in other areas. Plus, if you practice this small talk in a variety of situations, it’s easier to start a conversation with people you think you want to become friends with. It’s a win-win.”

What can loneliness teach you?

  1. It allows you to be grateful for the relationships that you will form throughout your lifetime.
  2. It also allows you to be grateful for the family you may build your own one day.
  3. You will learn new things about yourself.
  4. You have the opportunity to fully understand your worth
  5. You develop lifelong self-care habits

This completes our discussion.  Was there anything you agreed or disagreed on?  Be sure to leave a comment down below.  I hope to see you next week for the next post!

As always: Stay true. Stay you. Stay beautiful. <3

Today’s resources For further insight on these psychologist views, please view here

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Hello, I’m Classy Queeny and this is my website, welcome!  As a Self-Love Advocate, I enjoy giving and receiving genuine love from those around me.  I recognize that life is full of tests and bumpy roads.  But, I wish to walk the path of peace and mutual understanding through growth, awareness, patience, and most importantly love. 🙂  I  believe that the beauty in life is perception.  My hope is that we can seek life’s beauty together!  To learn more about me and click here!

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